LA was an overall exaggerated world. It was in a completely different reality. The sun shone bright, scorching hot and blinding, everyday. Walking on Rodeo Drive on the large steaming white cement sidewalk, Maeva felt herself growing weak from a need to hydrate. She stopped at a Café and ordered some kind of unsweetened juice syrup over crushed ice drink. She continued walking looking at the numbers inscribed over the doors of the shops. Today was the beginning of her Sky “Compostelle[1]”. She had dressed casually but with the adjusted clothes the tailor had graciously accepted to repair for her. She wore a sleeveless wrap-around below the knee dress made of indigo blue silky cotton. It was perfect for the heat. She wore flat gold leather Gucci sandals with a matching tote bag. Her sunglasses were also Gucci. Her hair was pinned up, and she had done her nails in a light blue. Before reaching destination, she entered the Dior boutique as a test. The sales agents looked at each other, and one came up to her asking if she needed any help. Maeva smiled politely, said she wanted to look at handbags, and after a short observation of one or two bags, said that nothing stood out at her. They thanked her for her interest and she left. She remembered well visiting LA and walking on Rodeo Drive when she was younger, going into a boutique and seeing the sales agents, just eyeing her, not bothering to even greet her. She had gone back out without them saying a word to her. She could see by the addresses that she still had some walking to do before she reached the place were Tommy said he would meet her. She looked around at the boutiques and shops, while her mind wandered to her daughter she had left behind with Yvonne.
 
Sky had never sold the Sherwood mansion so she had it opened up for Yvonne, Neve and herself to stay there during her the first few stops she would make in California. She knew it had been Sky’s first ex-pat location. The place where he had started his career and had a number of adventures. Good and bad. Maeva found the house to have been well taking care of, and well aired before their arrival. She knew she would be selling it as soon as she was done with her pilgrimage. She had never really connected with the place, even though it was overlooking the lake and was constructed of only floor to ceiling windows on three sides. Right now, Yvonne and Neve were surely enjoying the movie room. She didn’t want Neve to have access to the pool when she wasn’t there. All doors and sliding doors locked automatically when closed, so that Neve would never be able to go out without being supervised. She knew Yvonne would be careful, but she wasn’t as quick as Maeva was and she preferred to always be there when Neve was around water, mostly pools. At the domain, the Bay beach was shallow for at least a kilometer and it wasn’t possible for Neve to fall into it as long as she stayed on the shore. Yvonne or herself would put a chair in the shallow water.  The child was instructed and made to stay in front of the chair, never to pass it. It worked well for now. It would probably be different as she grew older and became bolder. Her eye caught she was close to the meeting place. It was quite a trendy place; she saw when she entered. She had seen pictures of Tommy, younger. He was still recognizable, sitting in a corner at a two-seat table. He was looking at his phone when she approached him. He had not seen her go to him.
 
“Oh, hello, Mrs. Hawthorne. I’m Tommy.”, he said mumbling slightly.
 
“Yes, I’m happy to meet you.”, Maeva responded.
 
“So am I, so am I.”, he said pulling the seat out for her to sit.
 
“Thank you.”, she said, sitting and approaching the chair closer to the table.
 
“What would you like? Coffee, tea? Something to eat?”, he asked signaling the server.
 
“I hope they have lemonade. It is so hot out there.”. she answered. The server came and Tommy ordered two lemonades. He then looked at her and waited for her to speak.
 
“I am really glad you accepted to meet with me. You are aware of what happened to Sky, yes?”, she asked.
 
“Well, yes, first from the media. Then, Jess called me to see if I knew Sky’s whereabouts. Which I found strange. I hadn’t spoken to him since umm… some fifteen years, I think. The last time was when he called me to ask me to delete all the pictures I had posted of him with me or our friends. I was offended. I did as he asked but never wanted to talk to him again. Now, I understand better that his career was more important to him, than our friendship. Our friendship didn’t last, his career did.”, he said, with a sorry smile.
 
“Yes, at that time in his life, his career was the only thing that kept him going. When I met him, he was still in that mindset. If you wanted to be around Sky, you had to accept being second.”, she explained. “Having him taken from me without warning, or explanation, I decided that I needed to understand the different parts of his life. I hope I will better understand what happened or simply, get to have his presence linger around me for a little longer.”
 
“So, what exactly do you want from me?”, Tommy asked.
 
“First, I would like to hear about his time at Boarding School. Then, about his time amongst you guys, at the beginning of his career.”, she answered.
 
“Are you sure? You are his wife, right? You do know, I am gay?”, he said hesitantly.
 
“Yes, I know. You can be honest with me. This is what I expect. Sky did tell me about some of his life at Boarding school and when he lived with you. I know.”, she tried to reassure him.
 
“Then, why do you need me to tell you?”, he asked.
 
“As you said, I am his wife. He might have omitted some less savory things, or stuff he thought I would not like?”
 
“I would do the same. I might do the same.”, he said.
 
“Please don’t. I need to get to know Sky as he was then, to better understand what might have happened to him. I am also going to love hearing about him, seeing him in my mind, getting closer to his memory. I find that, as the days pass, I see him a little less clearly in my mind. I have to look at a picture of him to have a better recall of his face.”, she explained.
 
“I can never forget his face. I could never forget him. I was in love with him. I still am, you know? But he wasn’t in love with me, he didn’t even fancy me a little. You see me? I am 60 years old. I still look in my twenties. When I met him, I looked like a little boy. Pretty Boy, he used to call me. He was already big and tall. First year at Boarding School, I was about twenty centimeters shorter than him. Each year, I grew a centimeter and he grew ten. During high school, he was almost 40 centimeters taller. I grew so slowly. My mom even took me to doctors; they gave me growth hormones and stuff. Now, when I think about this, I know it was my small size that got him to be my friend. He took me under his wing. He had a younger brother so was used to being the protector. I was abused a lot. Small and effeminate. Lads didn’t like that. They didn’t mind fooling around, but me, I was obviously gay. I know quite a few lads from Boarding School who are now gay or bisexual. Those are the ones who would really not tolerate me, the ones who beat me up. I was there about half a year before Sky joined the school. His dad was a big shot; a finance guy or something. He was rich. We didn’t know his family was the owner of a castle. When the lads found out about it one day during history class, everyone was stunned, no one said a word. Neither did Sky. I could see him from my chair, he was red as a tomato. And he was mad. Sky preferred to pass under the radar, you see. The only time he came out of his shell was to protect me. Some nights, we slept in his bed. He was a big guy all over. But, you must know that, right?”, he winked. She did didn’t say anything. “So, like any healthy teen, his knob turned into a wood during the night. We always spooned. So I could really feel it and rubbed myself on it.”, he stopped looking at her. “Too much for you Mrs. Hawthorne?”, he asked sarcastically.
 
“No, Tommy. But keep your voice down and, call me Maeva?”, she said holding his gaze.
 
“OK. Maeva. Well, that was it. I got him off that way, but we never did anything else. Not that I didn’t try.”, he looks at her sheepishly. “I have to admit; he was a great guy. He was really envious when I was chosen to be cast in a movie. But if they took me, they definitely were not looking for a lad like him. I was playing a child. Sky would not have passed for that. No way. But he was never mean about it. I never went back to the Boarding School and we lost contact until, he finished college and decided to travel to Hollywood to get famous. I clearly remember that even with his looks, he couldn’t catch a break, so he got a job as a bartender in a gay club. That is when I saw him, he had thinned out, had long curly hair and had all those special moves when serving drinks. During the years apart, he had turned into a man, a beautiful man. The thing with Sky was that he was beautiful in every way. Every body part and everything he did, was beautiful to look at. How can someone have everything, while some of us, get nothing? But I was never jealous, just in total admiration.”, he looked at Maeva. She nodded affirmatively. We met outside the bar after his shift. I asked him where he was staying. He had a huge backpack with him, and said he mostly tried to get in homeless shelters. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t have much of an apartment, but I had a sofa-bed in my living room, and I invited him to stay until he found his own place. That was just to appear at the top of my game, but I really hoped he would stay forever. I couldn’t believe my luck. We had a great time together. We always got along well. I introduced him to my friends, and we took him to drag shows and gay discotheques. He loved the scene at first but grew tired of all the passes he received. After awhile, he mainly stayed home and cooked. Did he still like to cook?”, he asked.
 
“Very much so. He was also very good at it.”, Maeva smiled. Tommy didn’t seem to be holding anything back.  “I think it is the first time that I speak in the past tense about him.”, she reflected. “To me, he has not passed. Someone that is missing, does come back or is found at some point in life. I cannot bring myself to really think he is gone forever. He was gone on location quite a lot. That's what it is for me. He is away. It is just much longer this time.”, Tommy looked at her with sad eyes.
 
“I am so sorry for you. I lost him a long time ago, but you, it just happened. I do not know how you are able to do this, talking about him, without shedding tears.”, he said.
 
“Can you tell me how he got into the movie business?”, asked Maeva.
 
“Yea. Yea, sure. I can’t remember the director’s name. He wasn’t famous except for the way he made young male actors do their audition, if you get my drift? But he offered Sky an audition when he met him at the Bar. Sky accepted, but when he got there, the director was nowhere to be found.”, as Tommy was telling this story of Sky’s first brake into the business, Maeva was just seeing it as if it was happening in front of her. As if she had been there like a fly on the wall. Tommy was a very good storyteller.
 
 
As most directors share offices the save money, there was another director there ending a meeting with a writer. Sky was still sitting in the waiting room taking a small break before walking back to the apartment. The writer took one look at him, told him to stay there and went back in the director’s office. After a few minutes, the writer came back out asking Sky to come in the office.

“Hello Mr.?”, said the director asking for his name, all the while looking at him carefully.
 
“Finnegan. Sky Finnegan.”, said Sky with his usual charming smile.
 
“OK, Mr. Finnegan, you wanna be an actor?”, said the unknown director sitting in the chair behind the desk.
 
“Yea. I really want to be an actor. All my life I have be dreaming to be one,” said Sky, just standing there not really knowing what to do.
 
“OK. Let’s go. Audition for me.”, he said, putting his feet on the desk.
 
“Want to you want me to do? You have a script?”, asked Sky.
 
“Gee, no I don’t. And you?”, he looked at the writer. The other man lifted both his shoulders showing his empty hands. Sky looked at both men, wondering what was going on. Who were these clowns? he thought. He decided to have a bit of fun. After all, he didn’t even know who they were. He closed his eyes, trying to bring back the text from his best movie part. The one is used to play in his head when he went to sleep at night. This time he added the movements to his lines instead of only visualizing them.
 
“I can’t remember what movie the monologue was from, but they told him he was hired on the spot.”, finished Tommy. Maeva had slowly opened her eyes. She had closed them to better see Sky’s story in her head. She was a writer and had always seen the stories scrolling in her head as she wrote them.
 
“So, those clowns were to become famous ones, right? And so was Sky!”, Maeva said, remembering his first movie had sent him flying into stardom.
 
“They sure were. I still remember Sky coming back for that audition, not knowing what he had been hired for. “, Tommy chuckled. “Once he received the scenario, he found out that he needed to get comfortable with nudity. So, he spent the next 3 months, walking around the apartment naked. Can you imagine how busy my apartment got? I had never had so many visits from my friends.”, he laughed, so did Maeva.
 
“You have great stories of Sky. Do you have anything negative to tell about him?”, she asked him.
 
“Negative? Well, I was often hurt as he didn’t care for me as I wished he had. That wasn’t his fault. There was one time when he offered me a job as his assistant. I had a good job here in LA, in a drag queen show. I have a good voice.”, he explained. “I wasn’t sure about following Sky around. That was part of the job, right? Naturally, I still had hopes of getting him to love me. So, I dropped everything, and off I went to be his assistant. Well, after three months, I was on a flight back to LA. He couldn’t stand me. He didn’t say it like that, no, he would never do that. But he said he didn’t need an assistant that always wanted to be close to him, and that didn’t do what was asked of him. I was really upset with him for a long time. I had left a good job, my apartment, and friends in LA. I had even given up my dogs.”
 
“Ahhh, never give up your pets, for anyone!", warned Maeva. "Did he have or did you hear of any bad blood between him and someone else?”.
 
“Mrs. Hawthorne, we were all his friends here. We admired him and he was always respectful and kind with all of us. Even when he rejected the sexual advances made to him.”, Tommy was quite convincing. “And I never witnessed, I never heard of, or was told about him being in a fight, an argument or anything of that sort. The one thing no one liked, was when he got drunk. But he was never aggressive, only very unfiltered. Unfiltered to the point we sometimes had to drag him away from the bar as the owners didn’t want him there anymore. He was annoying as heck. That is as far as this got.”, he ended. Maeva understood that he had said everything he wanted to say. Maeva got to think that bars might be were she should ask about Sky next.
 
“Sky now has a daughter, right?”, asked Tommy. Maeva nodded affirmatively.
 
“She must be some beauty with both of you as parents.”, he remarked.
 
“You are kind. We always find our own children beautiful, no? I am not really impartial, here.”, she laughed. “All I can say is that she is her father’s daughter. We love her to bits,”, Maeva said. Tommy noticed the present tense. He felt sad. That little girl didn’t have a father anymore and this mother would forever hope for his return. He wondered how long he would wait for someone to return. He then realized, he had waited for Sky for probably more than he cared to admit.
 
[1] The Compostelle pèlerinage is a spiritual walk where thousands of people follow a specific path towards a cathedral in Spain.